Friendly

Dear Bartender: Hi there! My question is one I’m hoping you’ll have an answer to…

I’ve been singing in bars and resturants for a few months now. My first gig was at a Beer Cafe in Perth Western Australia and I met this bartender who just captured me. It could’ve been because I was in a vulnerable position, being my first gig and all, but he was so appealing to me. Yeh, I know it’s your job to be nice and I could be wrong but, I’m sure there was some flirting going on. Unfortunately, my duo got a regular spot at a different venue that offered more cash and because I’m the new kid I didn’t really get much of a choice in the matter. So, in total, we gigged at this Beer Cafe twice and at the second gig when we saw each other he winked at me and later on I noticed him standing watching me. Yes, I’m probably reading into it way too much. I suppose I felt some kind of connection, however cliché that sounds. OK, so my question is this – 1) What signs show this bartender could be interested in me? and 2) how do I make it clear to him that I’m interested enough to be asked out? I have a funny (annoying) way of ignoring the exact man I want. Could I get away with just walking in on a quiet evening and asking him out myself? Or is that a turn off? I know there would be cultural differences between you and him but there is no resource like this in Australia. Your best guess would be muchly welcomed.

Cheers,

-socially naïve

p.s. he is probably around the 30 yr old mark and I’m 25.

Dear 25: 1) A good bartender will flirt with anyone he wants to stick around his bar. That might be because that person tips well, other customers find this person attractive, or the bartender himself finds this person attractive. A good bartender will make invisible any distinction among these three criteria. That doesn’t help much, does it?

2) You’ve probably already made it clear. He hasn’t made the first move, so you should. Asking him out on a slow night would be a mistake. Ask him out on a busy night, when there are enough distractions that he can pretend he doesn’t understand you. Bartenders often have a hard time making a clear distinction between professional friendliness and honest romantic interest. Don’t make it harder than it has to be. Meanwhile, if you want to encourage a yes, invite him somewhere specific, and where there will be other people. Invite him to a concert. Invite him to one of your shows. Invite him to an orgy.

Bartenders make great friends. Getting them to be friends on the other side of the bar will take extra patience and special attention. But it’s almost always worth it.

It’s getting hot in here

Dear Bartender: Quick bartending question… Do you have to refrigerate the egg liqueur Advocaat? I have some left over from one Christmas party and want to save it for Snowballs at another. The label says “Keep Cool” in tiny print but I’m not sure what that means.

Thanks.

–rcrider

Dear rcrider: As far as sentences go, “Keep cool” is not all that complex. Still, it’s good advice, though every time I get asked this question it gets harder and harder to follow.

Shoot

Dear Bartender: In many bars in the Wisconsin area (and am sure elsewhere) the last shot from the bottle is free. I asked a bartender at a local bar if they do this and he said no, but if I could come up with why this use to be done (and according to him required because of certain health risks or dangers) I could get the last shot free from now on. I was wondering if you knew the reason why this was done.

Dear Wants-a-Freebie: I’ve followed most of your question but I’m still confused: What are the health risks/danger imagined by your b’tender? You get the last shot free and the health risks are… ? It’s his job to cut you off well before one last shot sends you over the edge.

Not that his job is easy, mind you. I’ve had lots of people teetering on the edge of plastered and I’ve had to judge if the next (last) shot will send them into psychoville. I don’t always guess correctly.

That said, I’ve never heard of the practice of giving away the last shot in a bottle. If I were your barkeep I would need a damn good reason to give it to you free, but I might settle for a sexual favor, or at the very least a generous compliment. If your barkeep isn’t into that, try waving a five-spot in his face.

UPDATE 12/20: Read the comments for more (better) info. (What can I say? My research assistant is on vacation.)

The solution to everything.

Dear Bartender: I’m off to an early-afternoon Christmas party that I don’t want to go to. Whatever. How do I turn tequila into a holiday cocktail?

– Janet Y.

Dear Janet: Put on a santa hat.

Playing With Fire

Dear Bartender: My fianceé is a bartender in a local bar in her home town. She has been there for 6 years and has quite a few regulars, most of whom go there only looking to score with her.

She was married when I met her, and it hit me when I went in there one night with friends that she was quite miserable being married, only she had two kids with the guy and didn’t want to leave him if she couldn’t find anything better. So anyhow, here I come, and we immediately fall in love and are engaged a year and a half later.

She loves me going up there when she works, and I have every night since we met to help her close it up and clean up since the managers leave no one behind when she closes.

Anyhow, she is not the most beautiful woman I’ve dated, but every time I am there someone is hitting on her, and some guys do it for months at a time. I know she is working for tips, but the thought is I know she cheated on her ex so I worry she would do the same to me.

She isn’t, but I can’t help but have the jealousy feeling, and I get angry at the guys that come in there after her and tell her that one night with them and she’ll never go back. Sorry for filling your page. But what do you recommend for me to get over that jealous feeling? Anything?

will-ohio

Dear Will: Uh, the time to wonder if this woman is OK with being married and sleeping with her customers was when she was married and sleeping with you. That sounds harsh, but you gotta admit it’s a little late in the game to be asking that question.

I’m not saying she’ll cheat on you. There’s no way to know if any woman will treat all of her husbands the same. For all I know your jealous rages turn her on, and that’s what she was missing from every husband up till now.

Still, getting married is not unlike jumping out of a plane, with trust being the parachute. You can do it without the parachute, but perhaps it’s smarter not to jump.

Bitch Fuel

Dear Bartender: Me and a group of my girlfriends are in a belly-dance troupe that do a lot of shows at the local bars. We’re getting bored of our usual drinks and are trying to come with the perfect “belly dancer” drink/shot. Any Ideas? I’ll have the girls try it and if we like it (I am sure we will) we’ll send it into the bartenders black book with your name on it.

Even though we are performers, not all of us drink “bitch fuel.” I was thinking of something colorful and a little bracing — kind of like a red headed slut. BTW we drink the shit out of RHS. Thanks Mitchell!

– Najmis Spirit Dance Troupe in Tulsa Oklahoma

Dear Najmis: How about a Raspberry Wu-Wu — Stoli Razz, Peach Schnapps and a splash of Cranberry Juice? Bonus: if you order it nice and slow you might get kissed.

Match Game, Pt 11

Dear Readers: How ’bout this: My dog found me asleep in the bathtub; it was disturbing to wake up and find out he’d chewed up my [BLANK].

Sweet Nothings

Dear Bartender: I recently had a drink that was mixed with orange juice, grenadine, and Sprite/7-up. I am unsure of what type of alcohol was in it. I believe that was all the ingredients though. Unfortunately I do not remember the name of it – and would like to be able to order it again. Could you help me with the name?

Thanks.

-Amy

Dear Amy: No.

There are millions of drinks out there. Most have either vodka, tequila or rum. Pick one. When you’re putting that much sugar in them, they’re pretty much all the same.

S.O.S.

Dear Bartender: So I spent an hour today forcing my toddlers to slow-dance with me to Todd Rundgren’s Hello It’s Me on youtube. Translation: Midlife crisis.

What do you recommend? No affairs, mind you, or fancy new purchases. I love my husband, and we’re on a budget.

Dear Crisis: You’re getting ahead of yourself. When you have your real mid-life crisis, someday, little things like loving your husband and having no money will be no obstacle whatsoever to that affair or fancy new purchase.

Sister, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

…and Counting

Dear Bartender: I won a half bottle of southern comfort over twenty five years ago, and i put it away for a special occasion and forgot about it. i found it last week and wondered if its of any value because of its age and is it still drinkable, if so i thought to give it my daughter as i am not allowed to drink alcohol with the medication i take on a regular basis.

–Mrs. Addis

Dear Mrs. Addis: A half-empty bottle of Southern Comfort is the dumbest prize won by anyone, ever. Why you would want to pass this insult on to your daughter I have no idea.

From Me To You

Dear Bartender: My question may be a strange one… but then again after reading some of the other questions I guess mine is tame. My friends and I have been visiting a local bar maybe 2x a month for drinks and to catch up on each other’s life. During our last visit it came to my attention that one of the bartenders actually has paid attention to our likes and dislikes regarding drinks and menu options. He also remembers each of our names….unlike some of the other bartenders. We are getting to the “tis the season” time of the year, is it appropriate to give bartenders gifts at Christmas time? If so, what kind of gift is appropriate? I’m not referring to anything romantic in nature, just an appreciation for paying attention to the little things.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

–Teresa

Dear Teresa: You’ve put me in a sticky spot, tempting me to instruct you to abstain lest any reader think that I, as a potentially interested party, have either 1) jettisoned my judgment, or 2) made this question up. But I’ll be brave and tell you the truth: While a present is not by any means required, it’s nevertheless totally OK. I’m just disappointed that you’ve ruled out giving him something romantic.