Dear Bartender: Could you suggest a cure for a hangover? I could use one, quick.
Dear Hung: Magnesium, Vitamin B1 or B6, oxygen… I’ve heard of a few remedies that may help a hangover, but the only cure I know was brought to this Earth by Satan himself: Hair of the Dog. After the first one I swear I can hear him laugh.
Dear Bartender: I’m having my post-Christmas letdown early this year. Could you make mine a double?
Dear Letdown: One double coming up. I think I’ll join you. I’ve been listening to “Pet Sounds” again.
Dear Bartender: I’m no mathematician, but I’ve been thinking… If I go to a bar and drink 8 beers, tipping a dollar each beer, at $5 a pop I’ll spend $48.00. BUT, if I drink 8 beers and tip TWO dollars each time — and, as a consequence, the bartender comps me every fourth beer (not an unreasonable expectation, I hope) — I’ll spend only $46.00. It’s win/win for everyone! I’ve saved myself two bucks and doubled the bartender’s income. No small thing in these troubled times, am I right?
–Wizard
Dear Wizard: Yes, if you choose your bartender wisely. Think of yourself as Congress and your bartender as one of the Big Three; no sensible person should invest in something clueless.
Dear Bartender: What does it mean when your hands are always tingling? Is it a sign of alcohol abuse or does it mean you spend too much time on the Internet? Or does it mean you are having a stroke? Or does it mean that you want to do something you have always wanted to do and have yet failed to do? Are you an MD as well as a mixologist?
–Tingling digits
Dear Digits: I’m no MD, but clearly you will be dead within the hour, so I won’t worry about your diagnosis. The rest of you people, especially the alive ones, heed this advice: Life is far too short. Drink up. Last call comes sooner than you think.
