Cherry Jubilee

Dear Bartender: I am 24 years old and still somehow have not managed to lose my virginity. Heaven only knows why, as I am considered a quite attractive young lady. It just didn’t happen. I don’t just wanna go and bang some guy because of all the psychological effects the notorious first time is supposed to have on a girl. On the other hand, I’m pretty sick of missing out on all the hot, hot casual sexin’ going on all around me.

Now there’s this one guy who really means a lot to me. He’s made it perfectly clear that he is not interested in pursuing a relationship, which is fine ’cause things like that just can’t be forced.

Nevertheless, do you think I could ask him to be my first?

–Slightly Desperate

Dear Slightly: These things can’t be forced indeed. And I hope you’re not expecting too much of your first time, cuz the notorious effects aren’t just psychological. Good sex takes practice. Practice, practice, practice!

Which is why you wanna start practicing. I get it. Speaking of practice, briefly allow me a pause to accept that there doesn’t seem to be any question out there that I haven’t answered already.

Sure, go ahead. He’s not your brother, is he?

An age-old question

Dear Bartender: I’m a single gay man, reasonably devoted to going to gym to keep in shape so I might be able to attract prey… but I can’t seem to stop eating a shitty diet. Result is decent arms/chest but still unattractive midsection. Love handles and spare tire just won’t go away.  How can a man motivate his diet as much as his gym routine so he isn’t a chronic, pathetic fat-ass loser?

Dear Fat-Ass: There is a well-worn path to better self-esteem for guys like you, but it takes time, and you gotta be willing to put in the hours.

Get old. You’ll be amazed how much better you’ll feel when you see how fat your friends are.