Dear Bartender: I met this crazy guy the other night in a neighborhood bar. It was rather fortuitous because I was feeling a little suicidal that evening and I told him about it as we were talking. Turns out he’s a former psychologist. I took it as a sign and brought him home with me. We’ve talked since, and he is indeed almost as nuts as I am but here’s my question. If a guy tells you he has a brain tumor should you proceed with the relationship? I’m not sure if he was kidding or not. Should I demand medical records before taking it any further? On the other hand, I’m not looking for long term commitment so it could work out.
— CrazyBus
Dear Lunatic: Anyone who would tease a suicidal person about having a brain tumor of his own is definitely worth getting to know, at least in my book. In fact, it’s the best pick-up line I’ve heard in a long time. Sounds win/win to me, since, if the tumor is real, nursing him through treatment — say, Gamma Knife radiosurgery or something worse (depending on operability) — might take your focus off your own problems. The two of you could turn it into a game, maybe, each trying to outlast the other, with the winner getting the spoils, say, either his tumor in a jar or your suicide note in a pretty frame.
Us crazy people should, after all, stick together, don’t you think?
Keep it coming, people. These are the kinds of questions I like.
Ask a Bartender 