Every Diet Needs A Little Wiggle

Dear Bartender: At my recent birthday party I was introduced to creamed corn wrestling. At first I was tentative, but then found out how much fun it is. Now I’m planning more parties with wrestling but I’m having trouble deciding what medium to fill the pool with. Jell-O is very time consuming unless you buy the stuff online that is made for wrestling but I have my doubts about it. Also, I’m considering butterscotch pudding or cooking oil and pasta. The summer is just starting, so I guess I could just schedule a round of wrestle-o-ramas and try all of them. It’s funny, I turned 51 and now all I want to do is wrestle women in slimy stuff… while drinking Margaritas… arrriba!!!!

–Creamed

Dear Creamed: I went to a friend’s party last year that had a kiddie pool filled with J-Lube. Shit that stuff can get cold. Whatever you’re gonna wrestle in, I suggest that it be warmed up.

But I gotta ask: wy’d you leave chocolate pudding off your list? It was good enough for Hitchcock, you know.

Still, I’m sure my readers would agree that the most pressing question is: how does one finagle an invitation to one of your parties? I mean, if we all promise to bring our own spoons.