Blame Canada
August 4, 2008Dear Bartender: Please help me. I need to “break up” with my ex-husband.
We divorced two years ago but he still seems to think we are married. There are no kids involved, and we dissolved all joint property last year (thank god!). Nevertheless, he calls me every day and thinks that just because we occasionally have sex once or twice a month that we are still “a couple.”
This is seriously getting in the way of me keeping a boyfriend. My last potential b.f. surprised me one morning showing up with a picnic basket and a whole day of sex planned. My ex-husband had just spent the night and subsequently was hiding in my hall closet! I admit it turned me on knowing he could see us through the door but I was terrified that he would get hurt if my b.f. found out. I don’t wish this man any ill, I just wish he’d go away.
Please don’t tell me to stop having sex with him. Tho the marriage wasn’t great, there was nothing wrong with the sex. (Is there anything, ever, wrong with sex?)
Just need some advice.
Sincerely,
TMJ
Dear Sex Addict: I would never steer you away from great sex. Christ, from the sound of your letter I could hardly peel you from it with a hot spatula.
Yet you’re clearly stuck. It’s not your husband who can’t let go — it’s you. I’m gonna go out on a limb and suggest that you actually don’t have a problem, that you’re pretty happy with the way things are. You only need to set one or two boundaries. My suggestion: handcuff him to the bedroom radiator and make him watch as you fuck whatever crosses your threshold. You will drive him crazy — and toying with his emotions is clearly what gets you off.
Ask a Bartender 
oh for christ’s sake. get a room and a divorce already.
You know… If you tell all your prospective boyfriends the truth about your sex life, you might actually find one that’s cool with it. So you get what you want, there are no secrets and everyone’s happy. You can still make the drama somehow, I’m sure. It’s in your DNA.
Force your ex to sleep with your prospective boyfriends. Less work for you, and eventually you’ll be rid of him because he’ll be exhausted.
David, I don’t get it: You’re suggesting she remove the drama from her relationship with her ex-husband and then (because she needs drama) create drama in some other part of her life?
Sounds like a lot of running around just to stand still.
no, bartender, you don´t get it. david´s saying that she should be clear with her prospective lovers that she is till sleeping with her ex. then she might find someone who is ok with that, being the foxy lady that she probably is. and when she has made her point crystal clear to everyone involved, she now -as an added bonus – gets to be dramatic on TWO guys. because she is the one calling the ropes in the first place. and they all want to fuck her! female heaven!